What is in the mirror?

Right now?
emptiness.

When I think of love, I feel nothing. Not a family kind of love, a real love between a man and woman (or if your gay that works too haha.) But the kind of love where you have butterflies when you see the person you adore. The kind of love where just their presence brings a smile. The kind of love where you can fight with this person and you still want to be with them. the kind of love that feels magical. I want love, I want is so badly. Love doesn't want me though. I am so alone I can't stand it. Some people can find love in a heart beat. Why can't I? Am I that ugly on the outside, on the inside, on both?

God I hate myself.

When I think of happiness I think of myself working where I dream with the people I love. Why can't I have it? Why doesn't this company want me? WHAT DO THEY WANT FROM ME???????
apparently nothing.

I guess I don't have good skills but I try. I try so hard, I love, I laugh, I try to help. So why is it? I thought Florida for the spring was an excellent idea. That way I could finally get a college experience, work in a beautiful HAPPY place. Be away from drama, away from the normal. Finally get out there. Who knows! meet the man of my dreams, find my dream job!!!

But..
no.

Just no.

I just feel so empty you know? I know it sounds dramatic.. but it is how I feel. Judge me I don't care :( You can add to my undercover misery.

I've stated before I am like a time bomb. I can only take so much until... poof.

Poof time is here, it hasn't been for a while, so I guess I was due to explode soon. Why can't I get what I want.. Its not like I am just sitting here and hoping, I am desperatly trying. But what does trying do if you can't get what you want?
It'll leave you feeling unaccomplished, alone, stupid, and just empty.

I really wouldn't care if I died anytime soon. I served my purpose, a life of..







nothing.