Random thoughts starring...

Christina Santini!!!

So I can't really sleep, I guess I just have a lot on my mind. I've been feeling kind of sad today. I had a mini break down at work. I went on break and I just cried for like a half hour, it was weird. Then I went all self loathing and just wanted to drown myself in my own depression pool.

Then it made me wonder......

I always like to think that I am just going to walk somewhere random and find the man of my dreams. I would enjoy that, I would enjoy that a lot actually. But maybe that's not my story, maybe something else will happen. Part of my tears I had sad thoughts going through my mind like OH GODDDDDDD WHY AM I UGLY, WHY DID GOD MAKE ME. wah wah wah, then more thoughts came.

Maybe I should stop being so naive? =/ But that is just who I am. I am a naive and gullible kind of gal. I have a bit of a one track mind and I like to be right. Maybe I should just let my guard down? I realize certain people can pick up guys anywhere, anytime, and here I stay drowning in my pity pool. I am almost kind of sick of being optimistic. I love looking on the bright side of things, but to be single for almost 20 years (holy crap I'm old :-O } and never really be hit on. I MUST BE DOING SOMETHING WRONG. BUT WHAT!?!?!?
I understand I am not pretty, I understand I am fat. I understand I can be a bit of a biatch sometimes, but there has to be something AT LEAST a tiny bit decent about me.

Is there?
:(
Or am I just being stupidly optimistic.
I hate myself.
I really am back to my dieting seriousness. Even then, if I did loose weight, I would still be ugly. So I'll save up enough for cosmetic surgery.
nahh.
It would be nice though.

Sometimes I slightly wish I could make myself disappear.. Calling all magicians, currently looking for someone to make me poof away.

I know, I know I am being dramatic, but I can help it... It is who I am. Another flaw I suppose?

lalalalalal



I need to wake up from my fantasies, I will not meet the man of my dreams any time soon. It probably won't be love at first sight like I always wanted either. :[ He'll probably like my friends more than me, but heyyy.

wahhh :(((((
:(




I'm sad.