paranoia

Can anyone explain to me why I have become so paranoid lately? I fear everything! Lately I have been wanting to buy those "survivor books" that have tips on what to do if you were ever in a horrible situation. I also have been wanting to take cpr classes. I just don't know what is wrong with me. I worry over everything and the things I worry about are just plain stupid.

For example: today I see a huge storm cloud, and I imagine a tornado coming, why I would imagine that I'm not sure. But what made me paranoid were my thoughts, what if i never see my family again? are my friends and family safe? I worry about everyone, and it may be natural, but I have never been so scared, I guess thats the word I'm looking for?

Some of my fears are plain Hollywood movie stupid, others just do not make sense, and others are real fears that I should not let bother me. If I were to make an example of how many things scare me, it would go on forever!!!

Is something wrong with me? Why have I been worrying so much and why am I so scarred? My paranoia has gotten horrible, I'm even annoying my friends with it! I always feel unwanted and like I am annoying people, and whether I am or I am not isn't the case. It is just the fact I'm always so paranoid that people don't want me that I get all stupid and end up feeling miserable and causing others misery.

I want to get out of this state, I hate it. I hate the unknown, and I hate emotions. Why has this feeling gotten so bad and out of control lately? >:O!! Maybe I shouldn't get those survivor books, but I want them. I want to feel prepared and god forbid something ever happened I would be prepared. Then on the other hand, I would probably feel more paranoid that a situation would be more likely happen, and therefore worry more. So I guess either way I am in a lose lose situation.

I have made it one of my goals, before I die I want to save someone. I'm not sure how or when, but I want to!! This is another reason i always want to be prepared, how can I complete a goal if I have no idea what to do!? GAHHHH I worry to much. I'm either a total optimist, or a total worry wart.

Nowadays my fears haunt me in my dreams. For example, I hate bridges and ferris wheels, the other night I dreamed of both. I was so terrified in my dream that I literally woke up myself, by yelling. Now that is just pathetic. I'm really hoping that I am just overly hormonal and this awful paranoia will end soon, if not, I might go crazy!

Oh well, now that I have that off of my chest, maybe I'll have a good night sleep :]
I want to go to Disney world asap, it would clear all of my anxieties and worries away :]
I wish I were younger again, no worries, no responsibilities, just happiness :]]
I am not complaining though, I am a very happy person, I love my life, my family, my friends, and especially God. I wouldn't be able to make it through the days without them!

<333
Until we post again :]